I am happy to report that this has definitely been (so far at least) one of the best summers yet - passing up 2010 and 2012 if that's possible. The only downside is that I keep dreaming of what life would be like in warmer weather year round. Would I get sick of it? Never. Would I miss a white Christmas? Probably not. California always sounds like a good idea to me.

Mostly, though, I wanted to get online to share some thoughts regarding two years of marriage and our two year anniversary this past weekend, but have unsuccessfully sat for the last twenty minutes typing, deleting and then re-typing what I was hoping I could put into words. But I can't. There are too many things I want to say and too many things I want to describe. So I'll just say this:

A few weeks ago we left town for the weekend and sat at dinner in a little table tucked into the corner of an "Irish pub." People were talking and singing loudly and our waitress kept forgetting our order, but I had that brief moment where your brain takes a picture as you hold hands across the table and think: I am lucky in every way.

Now, these moments don't come every day of course, sometimes I feel like our lives mirror chickens with their heads cut off -- but I was gratefully reminded that day, that moment particularly, of how lucky I am to have Max. Sometimes I think about that night over two years ago before we were ever married, as I cried overwhelmed with the future and Max (as per usual) reassured me with his hands on my shoulders: "I will help you, and you will help me, and we will love each other." I guess in a nutshell that's what these two years have been: everything from our first apartment, paying the bills and working hard to create our future; or even the simple things like watching re-runs of the Twilight Zone in bed at night, and waking up next to each other every morning (which is way more glamorous in the movies than it has ever been in real life) - all of it. I will help you, and you will help me, and we will love each other. Max is the best decision I've made and the best companion I could've picked for the small adventure of a life together. I am lucky in every way.

 

And yes, I finally threw together random clips from random videos I've taken over the last two years... This has been on my to-do list for quite some time now, and I finally got around to it last night (ha!) Voila. Two years in two minutes. I sure do love that Max of mine.

let it go

Max and I are still teaching Sunbeams (the three and four year olds) in our ward. Some people imagine that this calling might make you go a little crazy after 18 months, but we're still going strong ;) Actually in all honesty, we absolutely LOVE it. The kids are the cutest and really, when you teach lessons like "I am grateful for fish" how can you not love what you do?

Anyway, when we get to class and have our own opening exercises we've noticed that the opening songs over the last few months have rotated mainly between Jingle Bells and Let it Go (I don't know one four year old not obsessed with the movie Frozen) So I thought I'd share a video of our little Alice passionately singing this solo:

CUTEST EVER. Alice also can't really pronounce words with the letter "R" which is why we may/may not have her recite every Sunday: "I really love my perfect purple wonderful family." Is this mean? Because it makes our day. Every time.

documentary club

Last week, during our "annual springtime picnic" (which, unfortunately, went undocumented for the first time in history because sometimes you get to the age where you just don't care enough to take pictures of your picnic!) we somehow started talking about documentaries we've seen, and let's be honest, how some of those are actually the most interesting shows to watch on Netflix. At least I think so. I have a hard time really getting into television series, and most movies on there (besides Titanic, of course) I never want to watch anyway.

My best friend Sara, who graduated from BYU with a media arts degree (and just got accepted into Northwestern's documentary grad program!! So, so excited for her!) is the queen of knowledge when it comes to these kinds of things. So by the end of the night we decided on starting a documentary club where we get together once a month + in sweats + and watch/discuss whatever documentary we've chosen, Sara leading the way. For anyone who has Netflix and an open night, I just want to recommend the following:

Queen of Versailles
This film won't change your life, but it's definitely an entertaining two hours worth your time. It's about the Siegel family with millions and even billions of dollars, in the midst of building the largest home in America (90,000 sq. feet! that is literally over 100 times bigger than where I live!) ... and then the stock market crash of 2007 hits. The entire time all you keep thinking about is how unsatisfying all of that "stuff" is, or would be, I guess. Money does not buy happiness, but good relationships with family and friends do. I really, really liked it, and found the wife, as extravagant as she was, to be really likeable and endearing.

Ken Burns: The War
I hadn't heard of him before, but apparently Ken Burns is an amazing world-renowned filmmaker, and this 8 hour documentary is absolutely incredible. It took me a few weeks to get through, but Max, whose never been into this kind of stuff, watched all of it with me. If anything about WWII is fascinating to you, I'm sure you would love this. There is so much I learned, and some of the footage is simply unreal. I heard his other documentaries are just as good too!

Blackfish
You may have heard of Blackfish before, or maybe at least of the famous performing "killer whale" Tilikum at SeaWorld. Truthfully, I've never given much though to "animal rights" or activists until I saw this movie. It's really sad and at times even disturbing, but it is so well done with an argument so compelling you want to do something about it by the time you finish it.

Mitt
Surprise, surprise. If you're not a Republican/conservative, you will probably only watch this and be grateful he never won, and maybe (maybe) at least walk away thinking that their family values and relationships are worth mirroring in your own home. If you are a Republican or a conservative, you will be genuinely depressed about the 2012 election all over again and secretly hope your sister marries one of his sons. And maybe hope that you can be as classy as Ann Romney one day too. I feel like this documentary shows a really honest and real side to politics, and yes, of course I'd recommend it.

That's it. My coworker tells me that anyone who signs up for Netflix should automatically be required to buy a gym pass too :) (she has a point)

Have a great weekend!

Because of Him

Oh how sweet the joy this sentence gives: I know that my Redeemer lives.

I'll never forget sitting in a small hospital room with an entire family of brothers and sisters and cousins and aunts and uncles and spouses and children, all gathered together around my Grandpa whose time left on this Earth was not long. We knew it would probably be the last time we would be able to say goodbye, the last time he would be here with us, the last time we would be together as a family with Grandpa in the room. I remember the sadness I felt, of course, you could see and feel the sadness of everyone in that room. It was the first time in my life someone who I knew and loved so much would pass away. But I also remember the feeling that this would not be the end. This would not be it. I just knew it, just like I knew anything else. I felt it. We would, each one of us in that tiny hospital room, be together as a family again one day with my Grandpa there too.

Today, I still know that there is life after death. There is life after mistakes that take us down a path we don't want to go. There is life after heartbreak. There is still life when you feel that all is lost. Because of our Savior, nothing is no longer impossible, nothing ever will really be "the end." There is always hope. We all have a Savior, the Savior of the world, who is never going to give up. Not on you, on your neighbor, on your best friend or on me.

How grateful am I again this Easter that He paid a price none of us could pay, and how grateful I am for the joy this sentence gives: I know that my Redeemer lives.

random thoughts on a friday morning

99% of the pictures of Max on my phone are of him a. sleeping or b. waking up. If I send you a snapchat, it is most likely one or the other.

I don't know how many of you decided to stay up late to see the lunar eclipse on Monday night, but wow! How amazing! I wish I would have remembered my summer stargazing kit and made a date out of it with Max, but unfortunately we decided to just set our alarm for 12:30 AM because we wanted to go to bed earlier on a weeknight ;) When we woke up and walked outside to see it ourselves, I kind of felt like I was in a scary movie because it was so eerie to see the moon red. But really neat too!

Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose! So I finished Friday Night Lights a few weeks ago, (honestly I was addicted for the first two months of the year) and all I can say is: Texas Forever. Max has looked into med school at Baylor - and Tim Riggins can be our friend and/or neighbor ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. Max loves him as much as I do. And Coach Taylor is quoted in my quote book.

I'd like to issue a public apology that I ever financially supported Justin Bieber by going to his concert/movies/and/or bought his CD's. I'm real sorry about that.

I made tilapia the other night (who would have thought I'd like fish?) and I went on my first outdoor picnic of the year and had a minor sunburn for all of 12 hours. It's feeling awfully cheery around these parts, and I think the good weather + food might have something to do with it...

TGIF

what the whole year's all about

Because Friday we have a high of 75 and John Mayer said it best,
"a little bit of summer's what the whole year's all about."

1. I Wanna Get Better - Bleachers

2. Secret Garden Party

3. Huckleberry lemonade (here) // chocolate chip ice cream sandwiches (here) 

4. Liiibrary trips

5. Twilight Zone marathons

6. Camping (once)

7. 25 (twice)
8. Wildfire - John Mayer
9. Wallowa Lake
10. Otter pops + Beach Boys (anything)
11. Max

life is like that.

Sometimes Max doesn't get home from school until eleven and I tell him I feel like a widow. Sometimes the idea of eight more years of school sounds impossible. Sometimes my routine feels a little bit mundane and predictable. Sometimes (read: all the time) our conversations center around where to invest our money, instead of spending it on one of my many $$$ dream vacations. Sometimes I don't want to wake up at seven AM Monday through Friday. Sometimes I would rather go on a crazy shopping spree instead of not. Sometimes Friday night dates are spent watching Friday Night Lights on my computer while Max sits next to me and has to study instead. Sometimes people aren't always nice. Sometimes I say something I regret. Sometimes (also read: all the time) I wish McDonalds delivered. And sometimes life is what is it: a lot of hard work, patience and occasionally a few tears at the end of the day.

Those "sometimes days" are a part of life for everyone, and some of my favorite conversations (and posts) are the ones you can honestly relate to and even share with others what life really is like: both ups and downs. And as I was talking to a few of my friends about these things the other night, I also thought about the quote I had posted the other day. I actually read it for the first time a few months ago, but have often thought about it since. It reminded me of what I've also talked about online before -- my blessings book.

I started that book back up again this year, after taking a little bit of an unintentional hiatus last year, (in other words, I had become a major slacker and failed to prioritize something that has always been really, really important to me). I knew I needed to change that. So I did. Every night this year I have written something down that I am grateful for. Sometimes I will even pass the book over to Max and will ask him write something down too. Without trying to sound cliché, honestly, the difference it has made already is like comparing night to day.

I know plenty of other people have said it before, but counting your blessings and then expressing that appreciation to a friend, a stranger, even in your journal, and especially to your Heavenly Father can change everything. It does change everything. It's okay (and important) to be honest about your life. It's okay to openly admit to yourself or to others that it can get hard. Or that it is hard. Last year in particular had its share of difficulties for me, all for many different reasons, (and it's also okay to leave those parts of your life offline and share it with people rather than the internet :) But I also think it's equally important to focus on all of the good around us too. There will always be bad days or bad jobs or other real or more serious problems that we'll have to go through in this life. But those bad days aren't ever so bad that I can't count at least one thing I am grateful for. Because there will always be something to be grateful for. And in the end, what matters the most is "which garden you choose to tend."

"Life is like that—ups and downs, a bump on the head, and a crack on the shins. It was ever thus. Hamlet went about crying, “To be or not to be,” but that didn’t solve any of his problems. There is something of a tendency among us to think that everything must be lovely and rosy and beautiful without realizing that even adversity has some sweet uses. One of my favorite newspaper columnists is Jenkin Lloyd Jones. In a recent article published in the News, he commented:

... Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just ordinary people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise.

Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed... 

The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."

-President Gordon B. Hinckley

(you can read the rest of his talk here)

to remember:

  

“.... Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend... When we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives, but are grateful for the abundance that's present - love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature and personal pursuits that bring us [happiness] - the wasteland of illusion falls away, and we experience Heaven on earth.

-- Sarah Ban Breathnach
(also quoted here)

etc etc etc

A quick January - March 2014 recap in pictures:

In words: 

• We were finally able to see World of Color, which, you guys, is amazing and I cried. 
• We saw Adam Sandler on Indiana Jones and although I was way too nervous to do anything but take a picture/stalk him, at least Max said hi!
• I finally accomplished my spring cleaning checklist (!!!) which you wouldn't think would be much of an endeavor living in an 800 sq. foot apartment.... but unfortunately, it is. 
• I have already started counting down to an official Twilight Zone summer marathon kick off!
• Work is still the best. So is daylight savings a week after I get used to it.
• Max only has three weeks left of the semester, which means I'll have my husband back for five days before spring term starts! 
• I wouldn't be mad if I never heard the words selfie, totes, and belieber ever again.
• And last but not least: Happy first day of spring/international day of happiness! (is that really even a thing?? i just heard that today?) As Oscar Wilde once said, "With freedom, books, flowers and the moon, who could not be happy?" 
• Amen to all of that. 

spring spring spring

I don't remember any time in the last few years where it actually felt like April before March in Utah! I ordered a lemonade (knock on wood) because I will take sunny, sixty degree weather when I can + a strawberry lemonade to seal the deal. This weekend I plan on cleaning out everything under our bed (am I the only one who uses that space as a storage closet?), buying a wreath for the front door, and getting together with friends with a whole lot of catching up to do. Last time a few of us got together, we sat in the restaurant and talked from four until nine! I think we had three different waitresses? Anyway, I hope you're enjoying a little bit of spring weather wherever you are, and now - a few words from ee cummings:

Spring is like a perhaps hand
(which comes carefully out of 
Nowhere)
arranging a window into which people look

(while people stare
arranging and changing
placing 
carefully 
there
a strange thing
and a known thing 
here)
and changing everything carefully

spring is like a perhaps hand in a window

(carefully to and fro
moving 
New and 
Old things,
while people stare
carefully 
moving 
a perhaps fraction of flower here

placing an inch of air there)

and without breaking anything.

helllllo spring!