January 27, 2009
Most of the time, I feel emotionally unaccomplished. Like a million loose ends are all stuck up in my head, but today - today was a special day, because as I stood in the shower, washing my hair, listening to music and thinking about life, everything finally fit - and I will tell you how I got here.
-As I drove to school today one of those "songs" came on - the song that somehow, identifies completely with whoever you are, and whatever you are doing, and whatever part of life you are in - it is as if it were written for you for that moment. Yes, I listened to a song.
-I talked to my best friend. It's been said that, "In a friend, you find your second self," - it's true.
-I talked to my mom and then my dad. While my mom will emotionally rationalize with all my problems and weird adolescent feelings, my dad always talks sense. He makes me forget the silly things and wise up. I love my parents.
-I appreciated my mother's left overs. For as long as I can remember, I have hated left overs with a distinct passion. Leftover Mondays were the worst growing up, but tonight, as I reheated last nights dinner - I became especially thankful because I just realized my milk expired a week ago and Apple Jacks were no longer on the menu.
-Last one continued: I was thankful for little things today. A friend recently read 'The Secret' and raves that it is the best thing to happen to him, but it starts by being thankful for the little things. So I did just that. As I walked on campus, I reminded myself to be thankful for the ability to walk up those nightmarish stairs. I was thankful for the chance to be nearly blinded by the brightness of the snow and the sun combined. I was thankful to be enrolled in a magnificently difficult Pysch class, and so the list goes on...
-I did aerobics. My endorphins skyrocketed as I nearly collapsed in my intense kick boxing/yoga/weight training/pilates/sweat til you bleed aerobics class. But I felt great after.
-Last but not least, I was reading for one of my classes, and bam, sham, cazaam - I read this marvelous line: "I love you" is much more a promise of behavior and commitment than it is an expression of feeling.
For some reason, that simple sentence made so much sense, that my life changed - not really, but really.
And there you have it. I am emotionally accomplished. I know all too well that by tomorrow I will probably come undone when my hair doesn't look right, or that cute, cute, cutest boy ever in my class doesn't talk to me, or I miss a pop quiz...
But for now, I am emotionally accomplished.