November 24, 2015

a quick confession session

1. I not-so-secretly love Justin Beiber again (let us all forgive and forget I say!) I've told Max three times this past week I wish he and Selena Gomez would get married.

2. Hillary Clinton is now refusing to use the term "illegal immigrants" (instead referring to them as "undocumented immigrants") BECAUSE HASHTAG WORDS MATTER. This literally makes me want to rip my hair out. Or hers.

3. We decked our halls and put the Christmas lights out a week before Thanksgiving, and I just started reading A Christmas Carol last night. Max ordered me a vintage 1957 edition and I cried when it arrived in the mail, which both is and isn't saying a whole lot because I weep at everything this time of year.

4. I'm on my third diet coke today. I work with a General Authority who says after two/day I'm pushing the Word of Wisdom.

5. I really only wanted to write this list because of #1 and #2.


*Side note: This video warms my heart.

"This Christmas,
Let how you celebrate
reflect what you celebrate." Happy Holidays!

November 17, 2015


"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
-Martin Luther King, Jr. 

This was one of the most moving letters I've ever read.

-via ABC News: A Paris man's powerful open letter of defiance to the terrorists who recently killed his wife during one of the attached on the Bataclan concert hall is going viral on Facebook.

Antoine Leiris posted the letter titled "You Will Not Have My Hatred" to Facebook on Monday, less than three days after his 35-year-old wife of 12 yaers, Helen Muyal-Leiris, was killed. Muyal-Leiris was one of the 129 individuals killed during the series of attacks in Paris last Friday night.

Leiris' post had over 123,500 shares, over 200 likes and over 100 comments of support as of this afternoon.
Friday night, you took an exceptional life -- the love of my life, the mother of my son -- but you will not have my hatred I don't know who you are and I don't want to know, you are dead souls. If this God, for whom you kill blindly, made us in his image, every bullet in the body of my wife would have been one more wound in His heart.

So, no, I will not grant you the gift of my hatred. You're asking for it, but responding to hatred with anger is falling victim to the same ignorance that has made you what you are. You want me to be scared, to view my countrymen with mistrust, to sacrifice my liberty for my security. You lost.
I saw her this morning. Finally, after nights and days of waiting. She was just as beautiful as when she left on Friday night, just as beautiful as when I fell hopelessly in love over 12 years ago. Of course I am devastated by this pain, I give you this little victory, but the pain will be short-lived. I know that she will be with us every day and that we will find ourselves again in this paradise of free love to which you have no access.
We are just two, my son and me, but we are stronger than all the armies in the world. I don't have any more time to devote to you, I have to join Melvil who is waking up from his nap. He is barely 17-months-old. He will eat his meals as usual, and then we are going to play as usual, and for his whole life this little boy will threaten you by being happy and free. Because no, you will not have his hatred either.

October 31, 2015

october, the second best month of the year

December, October and June are my most favorite months of the year. Google it and you'll see that a majority of Americans agree with me. My to-do lists during these months are usually extensive, and last month was no exception. I am trying to soak up every ounce of fall that I can, partly because we have no idea where we'll be living a year from now, and also because there is never nothing to do in October.

The Benjamin House

True story: I won a public speaking contest in college when I told a story about one of my visits to the Benjamin House. Afterward someone came up to me and asked how I came up with such a scary story? "I didn't..." I said slowly... and walked away. 

Just kidding. But not about this house or about my scary story because those things are real. This place has and will forever be the definition of creepy, and conveniently ... it was only about ten minutes away from our high school. The legend I was told as a teenager was that a mother (or father?) went crazy and killed their family in one of the upstairs bedrooms. You'll read something different if you search the story online, but what I can say is true: I've been in this house several times (I even ran into a real witch here!) and after some of the things we saw and heard, I am convinced that if ghosts need a place to hang out, this is where they would do it. Nowadays I'm way too chicken to go back inside the Benjamin House, but we did drive by it one night last month and it gave me the goosebumps to see it at dusk.

Witches Night Out

I can't say I miss much about singlehood, but I do miss spending so much time with my girlfriends annnnd maybe listening to music really loud in the car. Both of these combine wonderfully at Witches Night Out, and any tradition five years running must be saying something.

A Trip to the Pumpkin Patch

Max and I will swing by the bookstore and read a few children's Halloween books before visiting the same pumpkin patch we've been going to for years. This year we somehow walked out of our pumpkin patch with a 15 lb. pumpkin the size of a small television. I think Charlie Brown would have been proud.

Not related, but I really love this video

My sister literally never listened to my parents growing up and I had a speech impediment until I was seven.
Happy Halloween!

October 24, 2015

muddy buddy fall break - year 3

This year with our friends made me feel a little bit old because I could barely stomach watching the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the music we listened to I'm pretty sure no one in high school today has ever heard of, and my bad hip was acting up in the cold. On the other hand, its weekends like these that make me think I'll somehow forever be 21. When we're all together again my body goes back into college-mode, and I can stay up eating pizza and talking until five in the morning and still not hate my life the next day.

On our drive home from Park City I told Max that if I could keep all of the people I loved most in the world all together, and if we could all live on the same block and be friends and neighbors for the rest of our lives, it would be with these people.

"I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends. - Walt Whitman

Year 1
Year 2

October 17, 2015


After years of murder mystery parties, I have learned two things: You can never trust someone wearing striped socks, and you can never, ever trust Ben Lewis.

PS. Max looks so cute with a mustache.

September 27, 2015

an ode to fall

Not in my words, but in Mr. Robert Frost's:

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower:
but only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
so dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

ee cummings is to spring what Robert Frost is to fall.

September 17, 2015

throwback thursday: to catch a thief

I watched To Catch a Thief as I was baking cookies the other night, since the rainy weather was keeping me inside the entire afternoon. You can't beat anything that has to do with Cary Grant, Grace Kelly and Alfred Hitchcock combined, especially in September. And especially with chocolate chip cookies.

Grace Kelly is the definition of perfection.

And that white dress (!!!!!!!!!) Fashion week will never have anything on that dress.

Naturally, Max thinks I'm the strangest person alive to become nostalgic about a time and place I was never a part of, but these pictures are some of my favorite. One of my very favorite movies too.

September 9, 2015

a belated goodbye to summer

I spent most of my summer inside of an office. Welcome to being 26. I didn't ride a bike once and I only watched part of an outdoor movie, but the few afternoons and weekends I did get to enjoy the sunshine and time with friends were not taken for granted.

Our first day of "summer" I remember well. We had gone to get ice cream and chicken rings and drove down to a baseball game at the park. We listened to That's Life (Frank Sinatra) on our drive over with the windows rolled down and I thought THIS IS SO SUMMER.

The last day of summer felt like a grand finale. I finally had a s'more and got a sunburn. We spent an entire day outside at the pool and played "human surf board." We ate as many meals al fresco and went on a very last minute stargazing picnic. 

As for everything in-between? A blur of the MCAT, fireworks, medical school applications, BBQ's, long hours at work, leaving town, paying bills, sleeping in on Saturday's - etc etc etc.

And because this weekend I have penciled in our "first unofficial day of fall" holiday, I thought I might as well make time to give an official summer goodbye: your long days and warm nights shall be missed by me.

September 5, 2015


I'm convinced feeling like my life is constantly in fast forward will never end. Every month seems to fly by faster than the month before, and most of the time I feel like I'm just trying my best to keep up and enjoy the ride.

Last night Max fell asleep before I did, (which never happens because I usually fall asleep about .5 seconds after my head hits the pillow) and as I sat there in the dark I thought about a million things. I thought about one of the books I've been reading and how I hope it ends; I thought about the lesson I need to teach on Sunday. I thought about the groceries I need to pick up from the store and the tailored suit which needs to be picked up on my way home from work. But mostly I thought about this book that sits next to me on my night stand, and this poem (which I've read so far at least a hundred times)

Late Hours
By: Leisel Mueler 

"On summer nights the world

moves within earshot
on the interstate with its swish
and growl, and occasional siren
that sends chills through us.
Sometimes, on clear, still nights,
voices float into our bedroom,
lunar and fragmented,
as if the sky had let them go long before our birth.

In winter we close the windows
and read Chekhov,
nearly weeping for his world.

What luxury, to be so happy
that we can grieve
over imaginary lives."

August 21, 2015

heaven will probably be like wallowa lake in the summertime

Every summer I try to throw a video together of our week at the lake. I'm SO glad this happens because some memories should never be forgotten. Mainly our family talent shows.


I imagine heaven will be something like Wallowa Lake. The trees and the sunsets, the family game nights and go-kart races, the nonexistent dole whips (RIP), but mostly because I consider my cousins (even though our ages range from 8 - 28) some of my very best friends. Heaven won't be heaven without all of them.