a baby on the way

A few months ago, as I was walking down the hall at work and into the kitchen to grab what was probably my seventh diet coke for the day, I felt something inside that I hadn't felt before. It caught me off guard because it seemed so sudden and out of nowhere. A few days later, as Max and I sat quietly in the temple, the same thoughts and feelings came suddenly, and I felt the same way I had felt just a few days earlier at work. It was something I had occasionally thought and prayed about, but all of a sudden it was constant and didn't leave. And without sharing too much of those special experiences I have jotted down somewhere in my journal, I just knew that there was a spirit in heaven ready to come down to our little family. Within a few weeks, Max came home to pick me up for lunch one afternoon and the first thing I did was hand him the positive pregnancy tests (I honestly took six that morning, just to be sure!) - I wish in hindsight I had filmed the entire thing because words can't explain it. It was one of the happiest moments in my life.

Since then, being pregnant has been a roller coaster of ups and downs and everything in between. If I were writing this post any time during the first trimester, I'd probably share that I had been hit with a 2x4 of nausea that just never went away. Morning sickness was a beast for me. I was sick all day, all night, throwing up into plastic bags I stashed on the side of my bed, (I can't throw up in a bathroom, it's so gross to me), and I cried a lot. I remember going on nighttime walks with Max and having to find bushes to throw up into when cars would drive by. Luckily my Doctor eventually prescribed me Diclegis, which became my saving grace. That and peppermint oil seemed to be the only things that helped me survive the first trimester, which at the time, I never thought would end.

Now that I'm nearing the end of my second trimester, there isn't as much to report. No weird food cravings, and no food aversions (at least not anymore!). The first time I felt the baby kick tied with the first time I got to hear his heartbeat. Unless you've experienced it, it's hard to describe, but it's the most amazing thing in the world. I'm definitely more emotional than I've ever been, a McDonald's commercial can make me weep (the one where the Dad gives a Big Mac to his daughter on her wedding day.... don't judge me) -- But if there is anyone out there who is about as kind and patient and understanding as one can possibly be, that's Max - whose both figuratively and literally held my hand through everything over the last six months.

Most of all, I cannot express how much happiness this growing baby has brought into our life in just a few short months. My heart feels extra full always, knowing that I'm already a mother in some ways, and that my life will never be entirely my own again. Sure, there are plenty of times it's overwhelming, and I have to ask Max or my parents or even my friends to remind me that I can do this, (and they all deserve the biggest hugs in the world because I couldn't do it without any one of them!), but most of the time, in fact all of the time - it's just this feeling of love that doesn't ever go away.