November 18, 2013

mortgages, medical school, and life i guess


As Max grows closer to taking the MCAT, more and more of our conversations are centered on "the future" and everything that means: medical school, beginning a family, all the places we want to go. As daunting as it sometimes feels (I swear I still don't feel grown up enough to pay for a mortgage), I do get more and more excited about all of the possibilities, raising children (even teenagers), packing our life up, starting a life somewhere else, etc etc, and getting to do all of it with Max.

Before we were married, I think I made Max promise me at least 27 times that there was no way we'd stay here in Utah for forever. And I love Utah. I grew up here. Most of our friends and family live within an hour of us, which I've been so thankful for. Plus: Fall. Utah in the fall is so gorgeous. But I guess a part of me (a huge part admittedly) has always wanted to leave too.

And kids! Gosh. When did this start? I think I maybe babysat twice as a teenager, and although I know I thought about having kids, I really can't say I thought about it a lot. If it weren't for our sweet sunbeams who we get to see every Sunday, and my new little friend Erin who sits on my lap and looks back at me with raised eyebrows every time she answers a question waiting for my approval (it really stops my heart) I don't know if I'd think about it as much as I do now. But I do. I can't wait to have a little girl who I can read to at night, or a teenage son I can help get ready for school dances. THIS IS SO WEIRD. Mainly because these thoughts feel so new, but so exciting.

And my personal goals. Which sometimes I don't write about as much online because I think, what if it doesn't work out? What if my essays aren't published? What if my books don't go through? It makes me nervous.

And then, of course, there's housing to consider, living costs, job opportunities, saving our money/investing our money, good schools, residency, etc etc and the possibility of one day ideally living in Sydney, Boston, Southern California, Devonport (one can dream?). And I know I might romanticize certain places or people or living a life with a future family somewhere exotic, but I also refuse to forget what my favorite professor(/mentor/person/hero) would always say, "remain tremendously idealistic about the life ahead of you" - mortgages and all.

10 comments:

Mary said...

What a happy and optimistic post. You have so much ahead of you, and it's really impossible to imagine how wonderful it will all be. But that's what dreams are for, right? Those kinds of "future" conversations are the best. I hope life brings you everything you're looking for.

Becs said...

This post gives me butterflies. I love you and Max's love story, and I love that it's continuing. I miss you guys all the time and I'm happy to hear you're doing well!

Lauren said...

It's crazy how life can change in such a short period of time. That a year ago that may have not been in your thoughts and then one day. it's here.

Although, I am not married nor in a relationship. It's crazy to me to think, that meeting that person one day could change the rest of my life (whether that day has already happened and I have no clue it is them, or it hasn't happened yet).

Life is great and full of surprises.

Anonymous said...

I live in Devonport and dream of living on the other side of the world too :-) It sounds like my husband and I are in a similar spot in life, oh exciting futures! All the best!

Amanda Fry said...

I love that you have those dreams! So much excitement ahead of you :)

Brittany said...

I miss you, Kels! And I love this, all of it.

Kerry June said...

austin & i are also CONSTANTLY having similar conversations. it's crazy & sort of scary to think we're at this point in our life! i definitely don't feel old enough for us graduate, or get real life jobs, or anything of that stature, & we already have a baby! it's so weird to me. we're both ready to leave utah, but i'm not ready to be settled yet so it's hard to think of leaving. but it's also so exciting to see where the future takes us! i'm excited to hear where you guys end up! sydney would be amazing to live in!

My name is Lydia said...

YES!!! all those places sound absolutely MAGICAL! have you ever read The Secret? It's all about doing exactly what you're doing, and really imagining your dreams and being progressive and positive enough about it until they're definitely gonna happen. I vote for Sydney. :)

Chloe Winstone said...

After following your blog for the past few years, it's so exciting to read posts like this! Also, that quote of your professor has to be added to my favourites, such good advice!

Kylie Orme said...

just stumbled upon your blog! my husband is preparing for the mcat too and it is so crazy. good luck! :)