the 90s.

December 19, 2011

Thought Catalog (which I love) published this article (below) which I love, love.

Things 90s Kids Will Have to Explain to Their Children:

-Topanga was at some point in human history considered not only a legitimate first name for a human being, but the kind of name that would inspire in malleable teenage boys a life-long infatuation. Topanga, in our day, was leading lady name-material. Topanga (pronounced Tah-payne-ga, for those who will have only ever seen in it written down) is the name of the quintessential girl-next-door who will live, along with Feeney, in our hearts forever.

-At some point, we carried around little plastic eggs with tiny screens on them — in these screens lived our hearts, our pets, our raison d’etre, our very own Tamagotchi. We loved them, we listened to their tiny electronic screams of malnourishment, and we occasionally forgot to pick up their poop for long enough that they died a tortured, poop-filled death. They were perhaps our first foray into the life-consuming world of electronics and self-absorption, later to be fully manifested by Facebook.

-Though on the surface, they are the exact same thing in every conceivable way, whether you liked The Backstreet Boys or N*SYNC said more about your character than all of the terrible macaroni art you could ever make for your child psychologist. Essentially, liking *NSYNC meant you liked Justin Timberlake, as he was clearly the Seabiscuit in that race from the get-go. You even liked him with his terrible, icy-blond mini-fro. Liking the Backstreet Boys gave you a bit more of a cultured palate, as there was no clear Diana in those Supremes. Nick was kind of the wholesome, if northern-Florida-redneck safe choice (save for his humiliating younger brother, Aaron). Brian was the shy, sensitive type. AJ was the hottt, dangerous meth addict. Kevin Richardson was mute with sexy, sculpted facial hair. No one liked Howie. Choosing between the two groups was like choosing between two beloved children, but once that line was crossed–there was no going back.

-“I wanna really really really wanna zig a zig ahh,” has a meaning, and all true nineties kids know it, but we must never share it. Like the Illuminati, it must remain between us, the keyholders. With great power comes great responsibility.

Is it sad that I still feel like the 90s were basically yesterday?
When did I get so old?



Mary said...

You wanna feel old? Read a post like this, having no idea what any of it means. I was born in the 70s, so the 80s was my decade.

Sigh. I'm going to go listen to some Michael Jackson and Pearl Jam and try, once again, to solve a rubik's cube.

Dawn said...

haha love this.

kylee said...

this post was the absolute best thing ever. i can't even count how many times i was laughing and nodding my head in total agreement. long live boy meets world. hands down the best show america has ever had the pleasure of viewing on tv. please let me find my corey matthews someday. i loooooved my tamagotchi. like really loved that thing. i about died thinking about my poor tama dying from a poop overload.

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