January 9, 2010

sometimes, i like to take what i call "little-long-drives." it's the kind of drive that makes you feel like your destination will find itself for you.

i usually take these "little-long-drives" when i feel a bit quiet. or maybe just a little bit lonely. many say the remedy to loneliness is by surrounding yourself with people, but that usually doesn't work for me. when i feel lonely, i think: i'd rather really be lonely. perhaps loneliness makes itself less present when others aren't reminding you that its there in the first place.

and that's when i find myself on these drives... i think about a lot of things, and selfishly, i think a lot about me. i think: maybe this is why we are always taught to love ourselves, so that when i'm by myself, i can become more of a friend than a stranger.

i like who i am, and sometimes, i am lucky enough to love who that person is too.

but then other times, i second guess this confidence. i'm vulnerable and emotional. my feelings still get hurt, even when i like to pretend that they don't. my guard still goes up when someone i know has let me down. i've hurt people who i love, and yet i still have a hard time admitting when i'm wrong...

but then... somewhere in the middle of that messy pile of thoughts, i am reminded of who i have become in only 20 years of life. i'm even a little bit proud to be me and better yet - to be friends with me. i'm proud to be a part (even if it's only a small part) of things and of people who are great. and i'm happy to even be here for the ride.

and that's usually when...during that little-long-drive to the middle of nowehere... i figure out where i'd like to turn next.

(photo via)


Chloe said...

this post is amazing.
i can totally relate to how you feel... i especially love the way you ended it. :)

Kenna Christensen said...

best post you've ever done.

Sara said...


You make perfect sense!

Brittany said...

I love this. Beautifully written.
Thanks for reminding me to be friends with myself.

Maryx said...

Now I want to get in my car and drive... I want to get lost somewhere and lose myself in my own thoughts. Oh how I wish I could do that... Maybe I should?! But just, like you say, a little long drive.

Thanx for sharing

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