Sometimes Max doesn't get home from school until eleven and I tell him I feel like a widow. Sometimes the idea of eight more years of school sounds impossible. Sometimes my routine feels a little bit mundane and predictable. Sometimes (read: all the time) our conversations center around where to invest our money, instead of spending it on one of my many $$$ dream vacations. Sometimes I don't want to wake up at seven AM Monday through Friday. Sometimes I would rather go on a crazy shopping spree instead of not. Sometimes Friday night dates are spent watching Friday Night Lights on my computer while Max sits next to me and has to study instead. Sometimes people aren't always nice. Sometimes I say something I regret. Sometimes (also read: all the time) I wish McDonalds delivered. And sometimes life is what is it: a lot of hard work, patience and occasionally a few tears at the end of the day.

Those "sometimes days" are a part of life for everyone, and some of my favorite conversations (and posts) are the ones you can honestly relate to and even share with others what life really is like: both ups and downs. And as I was talking to a few of my friends about these things the other night, I also thought about the quote I had posted the other day. I actually read it for the first time a few months ago, but have often thought about it since. It reminded me of what I've also talked about online before -- my blessings book.

I started that book back up again this year, after taking a little bit of an unintentional hiatus last year, (in other words, I had become a major slacker and failed to prioritize something that has always been really, really important to me). I knew I needed to change that. So I did. Every night this year I have written something down that I am grateful for. Sometimes I will even pass the book over to Max and will ask him write something down too. Without trying to sound cliché, honestly, the difference it has made already is like comparing night to day.

I know plenty of other people have said it before, but counting your blessings and then expressing that appreciation to a friend, a stranger, even in your journal, and especially to your Heavenly Father can change everything. It does change everything. It's okay (and important) to be honest about your life. It's okay to openly admit to yourself or to others that it can get hard. Or that it is hard. Last year in particular had its share of difficulties for me, all for many different reasons, (and it's also okay to leave those parts of your life offline and share it with people rather than the internet :) But I also think it's equally important to focus on all of the good around us too. There will always be bad days or bad jobs or other real or more serious problems that we'll have to go through in this life. But those bad days aren't ever so bad that I can't count at least one thing I am grateful for. Because there will always be something to be grateful for. And in the end, what matters the most is "which garden you choose to tend."

"Life is like that—ups and downs, a bump on the head, and a crack on the shins. It was ever thus. Hamlet went about crying, “To be or not to be,” but that didn’t solve any of his problems. There is something of a tendency among us to think that everything must be lovely and rosy and beautiful without realizing that even adversity has some sweet uses. One of my favorite newspaper columnists is Jenkin Lloyd Jones. In a recent article published in the News, he commented:

... Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just ordinary people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise.

Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed... 

The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."

-President Gordon B. Hinckley

(you can read the rest of his talk here)

to remember:

  

“.... Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend... When we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives, but are grateful for the abundance that's present - love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature and personal pursuits that bring us [happiness] - the wasteland of illusion falls away, and we experience Heaven on earth.

-- Sarah Ban Breathnach
(also quoted here)

etc etc etc

A quick January - March 2014 recap in pictures:

In words: 

• We were finally able to see World of Color, which, you guys, is amazing and I cried. 
• We saw Adam Sandler on Indiana Jones and although I was way too nervous to do anything but take a picture/stalk him, at least Max said hi!
• I finally accomplished my spring cleaning checklist (!!!) which you wouldn't think would be much of an endeavor living in an 800 sq. foot apartment.... but unfortunately, it is. 
• I have already started counting down to an official Twilight Zone summer marathon kick off!
• Work is still the best. So is daylight savings a week after I get used to it.
• Max only has three weeks left of the semester, which means I'll have my husband back for five days before spring term starts! 
• I wouldn't be mad if I never heard the words selfie, totes, and belieber ever again.
• And last but not least: Happy first day of spring/international day of happiness! (is that really even a thing?? i just heard that today?) As Oscar Wilde once said, "With freedom, books, flowers and the moon, who could not be happy?" 
• Amen to all of that. 

spring spring spring

I don't remember any time in the last few years where it actually felt like April before March in Utah! I ordered a lemonade (knock on wood) because I will take sunny, sixty degree weather when I can + a strawberry lemonade to seal the deal. This weekend I plan on cleaning out everything under our bed (am I the only one who uses that space as a storage closet?), buying a wreath for the front door, and getting together with friends with a whole lot of catching up to do. Last time a few of us got together, we sat in the restaurant and talked from four until nine! I think we had three different waitresses? Anyway, I hope you're enjoying a little bit of spring weather wherever you are, and now - a few words from ee cummings:

Spring is like a perhaps hand
(which comes carefully out of 
Nowhere)
arranging a window into which people look

(while people stare
arranging and changing
placing 
carefully 
there
a strange thing
and a known thing 
here)
and changing everything carefully

spring is like a perhaps hand in a window

(carefully to and fro
moving 
New and 
Old things,
while people stare
carefully 
moving 
a perhaps fraction of flower here

placing an inch of air there)

and without breaking anything.

helllllo spring!

two recommendations

Right now I'm about three books behind schedule on my goal of reading 100 books this year. I've read a few really great ones and a few I haven't loved as much as I would have hoped, but I'll write more about that later.

I started Gone With the Wind a few weeks ago, and am about halfway through - it is so long, but SO GOOD. Of course I had seen the movie before I picked up Mitchell's book to read for myself, so I didn't know how much I'd get into it already knowing the story beforehand, but let me just tell you -- it's amazing. Her characters Scarlett, Mammy, Rhett, and Melanie are some of my favorites (whether or not they're always likeable) - up there on my list with unforgettable Atticus Finch and Rudy Steiner (but who can compete with them?) And the way she describes Southern gentility and way of life two hundred years ago, you just can't help but fall in love with Georgia and Tara too. It makes me want to pack my bags up and move there tomorrow!

Also, for those of you who haven't read Unbroken - you need to go read it. Today. Or at least pick it up at a bookstore sometime before December when the movie comes to theaters. It has to be one of my favorites (and Max's too!) - something we both read a few summers ago and loved. This story is something you can't walk away from without feeling incredibly inspired and uplifted, (and in my opinion, we could use a lot more examples in media and literature with these kinds of messages today!) So, so, so good!

i think i would make a great mouseketeer.

We're leaving town this weekend, and knowing me you can probably guess where. Maybe I should just get a job with Disney one day, or move to California?

I also wanted to post these pictures from life magazine of an all-night prom at Disneyland in 1961. Love love love!

(other favorites: the heartache of wartime farewells, life with jfk & paris 1963 )

feb 14th

It's February 14th! And our plans for the night are to stay in, get takeout, watch An Affair to Remember aannddd maybe Max will let us be serenaded all night long by some of my favorites: the Backstreet Boys. I'm telling you, those key changes (here, here, here, here, here - see what I'm saying!?) are Valentines Day GOLD. I don't understand how he can't love them as much as I do ;) When Max asked if there was anything else I wanted to do, that was what my list really came down to. Max + sugar + the good ol' days. Max loves me enough to say sounds great, even though I'm sure he would rather go bowling or get pizza.

(the extent of my valentine decorations are taped on the fridge. 

pictures of us at seventeen years old + our wedding day! how time flies!)

I love Max. I feel lucky that we get to share life together, the ups and downs and everything in-between. One of my goals this year was to learn how to cook new things, and let me tell you - that goal has brought many disasters into our kitchen. One as recently as Monday night, when I threw my gluey potatoes into the garbage and decided it was time to go to bed three hours before 10. Max brought me in a bowl of cereal for dinner and said, "Hey that's okay, your food still turns out 50% of the time" -- and I decided to take that as a compliment instead of getting mad :) I just can't quite say it enough, I really, really love that guy, and am so grateful for him, and that I get him for me.

So Happy Valentine's Day you guys! I hope your day is filled with the people you love and a whole lot of chocolate.

humans of ny

One of my favorite parts of a 12 hour flight to New Zealand was the fact that I'd sit next to someone from another part of the world with crazy different experiences than my own. One of my favorites was a woman named Stephanie from Germany, whose life was about as opposite of mine as possible. I loved talking to her about everything from our families to religion to Cary Grant. Obviously I'd love to travel all over the world one day, but in the meantime, I really love when I am able to meet people with different backgrounds or from different cultures, and open my eyes to something outside of my own experience and comfort zone.

I guess that's one thing I love about Humans of NY (website here) or you can follow them on Instagram here. I love that you can catch a little glimpse of someone else's life or perspective - and for anyone else who might love people watching at airports, you should check it out.

100 books in 2014

I read an article the other day that said it would take 60,000 years to read all the books in the world currently catalogued by the Library of Congress. 60,000 years!! That's just crazy. I really have no interest in reading every single book ever published, but because I feel like there are so many good ones I still have yet to discover, I made it a goal to read at least 100 books by the end of this year.

Three that I'd recommend (out of the few that I've read so far this year) are:
1. And The Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini
2. Wonder by R.J. Palacio
3. The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas Stanley

They're all entirely different, but all really good in their own way. If you enjoyed The Kite Runner or A Thousand Splendid Suns, you'll really like And The Mountains Echoed (though the first two were more of my favorite than this last one). I can't say too much about the story without giving the whole of it away, but in a nutshell the plot revolves around one fathers decision, and all the consequences that follow his family (and their relationships) for decades to come. Each chapter jumps from one character to another, all in different times and places, but naturally begins in pre-war Afghanistan. I think I liked it so much because Hosseini is so good at storytelling and involving the reader, anndd it has a somewhat of a happy ending. "Somewhat" because it's more real than happy (like his other books), but it's still, sort-of, "okay, I'm glad that happened," happy-ish too.

I picked up Wonder mainly because it's YA lit and a notable best-seller, and this book did not disappoint. I'm 24 and I think a seventh grader would enjoy it just as much as I did. Or maybe I should say that the other way around? The main character, August Pullman, "is an ordinary kid with an extraordinary face"and has been homeschooled all of his life up until the fifth grade, when his parents enroll him in a prep school. It's an easy read, something you could probably finish in a few hours, but I tried to take my time because I hate when I get to the end of a book I like so much with no sequel to follow. I promise, no matter your age, you will love Auggie Pullman so much by the end of the story. You might even cry with him. It's worth the read alone just to find out what happens on "Graduation day."

And lastly, although I've never been interested in reading "get rich" or "wealth in America" kinds of books,  I was surprised by how much I enjoyed The Millionaire Next Door. It just made a lot of sense, and honestly, mainly just changed the way I thought about "wealth" in the first place. The majority of it focuses on what we've already been told a million times before, the importance of how much you're saving vs. how much you're spending but more people really need to learn this. Like maybe Obama. The whole thing is just really good. And it makes sense even if the most you've ever learned about our economy is in that awful American Heritage class in college. We should have read this instead!

That's it. Recommend any books my way! I still have 92 to go!

sometimes i dread january.

It's true. Last January had to go down in the history of bad January's. 2012 comes in at a close second though, the month I was diagnosed with mono and barely felt alive. Call me sometime and I'll tell you all about my nightmares of that and Provo High School.

As I was explaining (more honestly complaining) the other day to Max about how the sun goes down too soon, and the cold weather is miserable and why does January have to be 31 days? Max made me say five things I was grateful for. It turned into a list of five things I Like More Than I Like January.

1. Chili's chips and salsa. It's the only thing I'll ever order. I even get them to-go every Monday on my way home from work. I'm not ashamed in admitting at this point that I can even eat the whole bag by myself, with no help. There are only a few foods I love that much.

2. Something I've always wanted to do is karaoke. I've talked about it forever and so I said, sure, why not make 2014 the year that I make it happen? And I made it happen. Unchained Melody and me. In public + in front of strangers. I felt like a million bucks afterward, (and not because of any standing ovation) I had finally accomplished a five year mission!

3. Roundtrip airfare from Provo to LA and San Francisco for as little as $45/each way. Yeah, we have a vacation scheduled every other month at this point.

4. I woke up on Saturday morning to Max cleaning. CLEANING. The entire apartment was finished by the time I got out of bed! I remember hearing married couples talk about these kinds of things and I always thought, what's the big deal? But I guess I just joined the club. If cleaning the house is a love language, it's mine.

5. Reading just for fun. Since most every book club I have ever joined has never actually happened, I told Max it's up to us. So we started our own book club a few months ago, and although we've only read two books together, and our "book club meeting" consists of eating fruit snacks and talking for ten minutes before we go to bed, I think it's the best book club around.

And that's it. This January, in all honesty, has been eons better than the last two so I won't complain anymore (and plus we're halfway over right?) Hope you have a happy January 3-day weekend!